The water was flowing rapidly, the knife was staring at me, and I could see my weary face yelling to end this quickly. I took the knife, I wanted to cry, but my tear glands refused even the tiniest of drops. Memories started flashing in front of me.
I had spent four years in Chennai, bearing the heat of the city I kept learning the formula and shortcuts to crack the countries premier and hardest test, JEEE, I didn’t make in the list when the results were announced. I wasn’t disappointed. I decided to continue my vigil for another year.
I came home and saw my mother after almost a year, she was in tears to see me, I had lost weight and my eyes revealed that I haven’t slept for days. I told my decision, my parents were supportive. I decided to continue studies without joining any coaching centers; I had 100 of books which I had collected over the years to practice.
I followed the routine that I had practiced over the years in Chennai which now became a habit, I would wake up at four everyday even if I wanted to sleep more, I would open the books and go through each problems which I would have already practiced a 100 times, the only difference I had at home was my mothers home made food, my dad used to work out of town, I would meet him once in a week. Even that was out of the question as he would be busy visiting his friends and relatives and with Church activities..
Days and months passed away, my routine hardly changed, I would go to church once or twice a month to attend the Holy Mass, there were no common faces to see which kept me away from Church as well.
The day arrived, I was well prepared for the exams, I recalled all the important formula and theorems, I could see the equation right in front of me when I wanted to. Exam went well. It was Passion Week, mother asked me to attend the Passion Week services, I attended the services everyday, but my mind was wandering around the corners of IIT Kanpur, the green lawns, the fountains, the city, the railway station.
The result day, I went to the nearest internet café as there was no electricity at home, I checked the list, shivers ran through my entire body, my roll no was missing. I checked again and again only to hammer down the nail stuck in my heart.
Images vanished; the bathroom was now filled with gallons of water, the knife still staring. There was no one at home. It was a weekday, mother had gone out to buy things for home, and I hadn’t told her about the day of result as I wanted to give my parents the happy news of me getting into IIT. I drew the knife closer to my left hand, my right hand shivering. Suddenly I heard a sound, “…..IIT results announced doesn’t reflect the complete list due to server error; students are advised to check again”.It was the Television.